Milk Machine

I've been Miki's on-demand food factory for close to six months now - much longer than I thought I would have lasted considering our nursing relationship had a seriously shaky start. While I did read and hear many stories about how potentially difficult (and painful) nursing can be, it's one of those things that you don't really have a good grasp of until you experience it - or perhaps you harbor hope that things would be different for you. Well, I wasn't quite so fortunate.

For starters, I was too drugged out after surgery to stop the nurses from feeding her formula with a bottle. Then I was still too drugged out to protest when the nurse on night shift decided to whisk Miki off for another bottle feed while I slept. I don't know if our problems with latching was a result of her not being nursed right after birth, or if it was just new territory for both of us. To cut the long story short, what followed was three months of very painful feeds (I'll spare you the details, except to say there were tears and lots of painkillers which didn't help). I must have considered quitting a trillion times, but I could never bring myself to do it - for fear that she would fall sick, and guilt that I'm depriving her of nature's best sustenance just because I've a lousy threshold for pain.

Often I questioned if it was worth it. I dreaded every feed (which was every two hours), I certainly wasn't enjoying my baby as much as I thought I would, and I was frustrated with myself and Miki for not figuring it out!

Things got so bad we called a lactation consultation at six weeks, but the only thing that did was assure me that I wasn't starving her and my milk supply was more than sufficient. That kept me going. Plus the hope that many nursing sites proffered: Things would get better.

And they did, shortly after she turned three months. Today, we're a happy nursing couple, but it's also about time we work out a plan to wean her off slowly. I'm hoping to wean her off completely once she's on solids.

We've started her on cereal one meal a day, three times a week, but she doesn't seem to be taking to it that well. Maybe I'll try baby oatmeal. She seems to enjoy nursing too much to want to give it up. Which might mean I have to put up with the tiring "pump at work" routine for nobody knows how long, and not going out longer than three straight hours. I'm also worried she'll go on a hunger strike - though I think she loves food too much to do that. :)

I'm fortunate that Miki's good with the bottle. I've heard stories of babies who would rather go hungry than drink from a bottle (talk about emotional blackmail). Miki's happy with the bottle, so long as I not around. I'm the numero uno milk machine.

I think I'm ready to wean her - six months' a long time, though close, and experienced mom friends have told me to keep at it for another six. We'll see...

[to be continued]